Vol. 1 Chapter 7

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I thought if I stopped taking the pills, things would go back to normal but that didn’t happen at all. I still couldn’t see the points.

If anything, my headaches got worse. Maybe it was because I suddenly threw the pills away on my own judgment.

Feeling fed up, I headed to school, walking along the usual route.

The closer I got to the school gate, the more students there were. I wondered how everyone managed this. Waking up at a fixed time, attending classes that may or may not have any real meaning. Then when you grow up, it’s work. Just repeating that until you die. How can people keep doing something like that? Even as I go through it myself, I sometimes can’t help but wonder.

And then, suddenly, it started.

e, @-, %), /,, m#

A chill ran down my back.

My entire field of vision filled with what looked like garbled, bugged-out characters. They were floating above the heads of all the students.

Where I used to see points, now there were these strange strings of text instead.

What is this?

At first, I tried to interpret it conveniently, thinking maybe this was a sign that the points would come back, that my vision would eventually return to how it used to be. But no matter how much time passed, the numbers didn’t come back.

The points stayed glitched.

【Morning, Aoki said r}】.【You look sleepy said $3】. 【We’ve got soccer in P.E. today said ゟヿ】.【Get fired up said +#】.

It was terrifying.

The numbers themselves had always been a bit creepy, sure—but more than that, it felt like my mind was finally starting to break for real. That was what scared me.

I didn’t even have the mental space to respond with small talk or casual jokes.

How did things end up like this?

At this point, even talking to people felt unsettling.

No matter what was happening to my head, this so-called everyday life kept going on as usual—that was its cruelty. Even while I was quietly panicking, classes moved forward like nothing had changed.

While I was still debating whether to leave early, fourth period ended, and it was already lunch break. At that point, I figured I might as well push through the rest of the day by sheer will.

But breathing felt difficult. Staggering, I stood up and stepped out of the classroom. Being around people was too much. Just looking at those glitched characters floating above them made me feel sick.

【It’s just the points being garbled. Don’t think about it.】I muttered that to myself over and over. But the dizziness was getting worse.

I went to the restroom and threw up… quite a bit.

My throat was dry.

I wanted water.

My consciousness felt hazy.

I dragged myself over to the water cooler in the hallway, rinsed my mouth, then drank.

Can I really keep going like this?

I don’t know. Maybe I can’t.

Where is Kasuga…

“Did you call me?”

A voice suddenly spoke and I jerked my head up in surprise. Kasuga was right there.

“You just called my name, didn’t you?”

If my thoughts had actually slipped out as words, that was a problem in itself.

“Aoki… you don’t look so good.”

Kasuga looked at my face and said it with concern.

But even Kasuga’s points were just ||.

“I’m fine. Just leave me alone.”

“Let’s go to the nurse’s office.”

But there are people there too.

“No.”

“What? Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“If I had to compare it… it’s like a really bad version of social anxiety?”

“Would that make you like this?”

“I don’t know.”

My head hurts.

At this point, I almost wished I could just lose my sanity entirely.

I feel sick.

“Okay, fine. Do whatever you want. I’ll stay with you. What do you want to do?”

Kasuga said that, grabbing onto me.

“Anywhere. Somewhere with no people.”

“Uh… okay, where…”

Kasuga led me to the audiovisual room.

We went inside. No one was there.

Thank God.

I leaned against the wall by the window and collapsed onto the floor.

“No one comes here.”

She was right. No one ever did.

I tried to steady my breathing. I wanted to calm down.

Can I even go back to the classroom like this?

“Does something hurt?”

I shook my head.

I closed my eyes just like that. It was quiet. I should’ve done this from the start. If things got too much, I could just close my eyes. Simple. Having at least one solution made me feel a little relieved.

I stayed like that for a while, and eventually the bell signaling the end of lunch break rang.

“I should go to class…”

When I tried to stand up, Kasuga grabbed my hand and pulled me back down.

“It’s fine. Let’s just stay here a bit longer.”

She kept holding my hand.

She turned her body the opposite way, stretching just her arm out toward me.

And just like that, we stayed there, holding hands.

“If there’s anything you want, just tell me. Want me to go get you some water or something?”

“No… I’m good.”

My throat was actually still dry, but I turned her down anyway.

We just sat there absentmindedly for a while.

For some reason, I felt… strangely fulfilled.

Pressing my eyelids with my free hand, I asked Kasuga,

“Back then… why did you kiss me?”

Her voice suddenly became flustered.

“Why are you asking that now?”

Because if I didn’t ask now, I felt like I’d never be able to.

After a moment, Kasuga quietly said,

“Because I felt like it.”

“…So if you feel like it, you can just do it?”

I let my body slump toward her, resting my head on her lap and looking up at her face.

“That’s not okay.”

Kasuga said it more coldly than I expected, and I fell silent. Just then—

“What are you two doing?”

A deep voice came with the door opening, and there stood the P.E. teacher.

In the end, we got seriously chewed out. And that wasn’t the end of it—rumors spread throughout the school in no time that Kasuga and I had been skipping class together in the audiovisual room.

“Sorry…”

On the way home after school, walking with Kasuga, I apologized to her.

Naruse〉“Aoki… do you actually like Kasuga-san?”

Me〉“No way.”

I kept replying to Naruse on LINE while continuing my conversation with Kasuga.

“Feeling a bit better now?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. So what was that, anyway?”

Before I could explain, I’d have to get her to believe the whole『points』thing, but that didn’t seem likely. And honestly, it wasn’t even something that was『over.』It was still happening and I didn’t fully understand it myself. Even Kasuga’s points were still showing up as ||. The people walking by had things like『h:』or『¥』 floating above them, so I avoided looking directly at them and focused on my LINE instead.

Naruse〉“Are you doing this to spite me?”

Me〉“What do you mean?”

Naruse〉“Well…”

(Unsending)【Just hurry up and hate me already.】

『I think I’ll get used to it eventually… probably.』Or at least, I wanted to believe that.

Still, getting caught by the teacher like that was bad. By the time school ended, the rumors had already spread around the classroom.

【Aoki and Kasuga were totally a thing after all.】

【I knew they were suspicious.】

【I heard they were fooling around in the AV room.】

【What the hell, that’s so lewd.】

This is the worst.

“I’m sorry… you’re dating Soyama, and yet…”

“Huh?”

Kasuga let out a baffled sound, looking genuinely surprised.

“I’m not dating Soyama-kun.”

Now I was confused.

“You two were kissing.”

“You saw that?”

Kasuga looked flustered.

“When? Where did you see it?”

That night, in the park. I couldn’t say it. I ran away right after.

I mean… do they just do that anytime, anywhere?

“Um, I don’t want to cause trouble for Soyama-kun, so I want to be clear about this.”

“About what?”

“We’re really not dating. Saying we are would just be a lie.”

“…Wait, you’re not dating, but you still… do that?”

“That kind of thing happens sometimes, doesn’t it?”

Kasuga said that with a slightly sulky expression, and I started to feel like I didn’t understand her at all. Was she always like this?

“From my perspective, I have no idea what’s going on, and it’s kind of scary. So what does that even mean?”

“Ki… kiss friends?”

“Huh?”

I got irritated and lightly kicked a nearby utility pole. My words couldn’t keep up, so my emotions ended up hitting something else.

“For me, it’s like… waiting my turn, I guess…”

An image popped into my head. A line of girls standing in front of Soyama. Kasuga quietly waiting at the very back, like she’s lining up to buy a new PlayStation. But it doesn’t look like her turn is coming anytime soon.

“Did Soyama say that? Like, ‘be my kiss friend’ or something?”

“No, I said it.”

“You said it? Kasuga, I didn’t receive any report, contact or consultation about this.”

“Are you stupid? Why would I have to tell you something like that?”

Kasuga said, sulking. And honestly, I couldn’t come up with any logical reason why she would have to tell me. Probably because there wasn’t one.

“Soyama-kun says it’s fine to have as many『se-fure』 as you want.”

“What’s『se-fure』?”

Maybe it was her slightly unclear pronunciation, or just how suddenly it came up, but I genuinely didn’t understand what she meant at first.

“I mean… sex friend.”

“Oh… that kind of『se-fure.』The one you hear about.”

Once I finally understood the term, I let out a sigh of relief—then immediately panicked.

“Wait, so that’s like… you have a physical relationship, you…y-you have s-s-sex, but you’re not actually dating…that kind of『se-fure』you always hear rumors about?”

“W-what else would it be?”

“Like…maybe it means『friends who go look at streams together』or something?”

“What’s a『stream』? I’ve never heard that.”

“I-I mean, maybe that exists!”

“It doesn’t.”

As we kept talking, I gradually started to get irritated.

“Isn’t this whole thing… kind of messed up?”

“It’s just that I’m not mentally ready yet. I mean…I don’t have any relationship experience. So I want to take things little by little.”

“Huh? So does that mean you’re ultimately aiming to become a『sex friend』?”

“I-I don’t know, but…maybe that’s where it’s heading?”

“What the hell is that? So you’re going from kiss friend to『so-fure』and then eventually aiming to become a sex friend? What even is that? Are you some kind of fish that evolves as it grows?”

“I-I don’t know… just going with the flow…?”

“Wait, you’re still a virgin and you’re aiming to become a sex friend!? That’s messed up! But also, what kind of guy tries to turn a virgin into a sex friend in the first place!?”

As I said it, my anger kept rising.

“This pisses me off.”

So who exactly should I direct this anger at?

“Hey, Kasuga, can you give me Soyama’s phone number?”

“Why?”

“I’m calling him. I only have his LINE. Just give it to me already.”

“Wait, stop. You’re definitely going to say something weird.”

“You’re the weird ones.”

I forced the number out of her despite her hesitation, and without thinking, I called Soyama. No answer. That pissed me off, so I spam-called him. Finally, it connected.

“…Who’s this?”

Soyama sounded suspicious.

“It’s Aoki.”

For some reason, I ended up speaking politely. Even though we’re the same age. What’s wrong with me? The anger I had before calling suddenly shrank the moment I heard his voice. I felt myself being dragged back into reality. That pathetic version of me was creeping back.

“Ohh… yeah, yeah. Aoki-kun.”

The tone in his voice clearly had a mocking edge.

“What do you want? I’m busy right now.”

“I have something important I need to talk to you about.”

“What? I can’t hear you.”

“I said, I have something I need to talk to you about—”

“You’re too quiet. Speak up.”

“I SAID! I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU!”

I practically shouted, and Soyama responded with a half-laugh.

“Sorry, bad signal, I’m hanging up.”

“Hey—”

“Kidding. Don’t get so serious. I heard you from the start. So, did we even have anything to talk about? We didn’t, right?”

“It’s about Kasuga.”

“Kasuga? Oh yeah, you two are close, right? Even today. Ah, I get it.”

In a tone like a kid who just thought of a fun prank, Soyama said—

“Aoki, you like Kasuga, don’t you?”

“That’s not what this is about.”

“Whatever. I don’t mind if you date Kasuga, Aoki. Oh, wait a sec.”

Then Soyama started talking to someone next to him.

“…Hey, cut it out. I’m on the phone. You know Aoki, right? Remember him? Yeah, that guy. You know, the one who’s kinda just…there. Yeah, that one. Nah, it’s nothing important.”

“Hey—”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“You’re always acting all relaxed and smirking like you’ve got everything under control—it pisses me off. Just die.”

The relief of finally saying it and the regret of having said it mixed together messily in my chest, like coffee and creamer swirling into something half-baked.

“What? Are you picking a fight with me?”

“Uh… yeah.”

That came out way dumber than I meant, and it threw me off.

“I am. Can you meet me and talk face to face?”

“Then come over. My place. I’ve got some friends here, and…girls too. You cool with that?”

“Then just send me your address. LINE’s fine.”

『Got it.』Soyama said, and I was about to hang up.

『Be ready for it.』His voice dropped into something darker.

“And Aoki… I’ve thought this for a while. The way you talk sometimes—it’s kinda creepy. Watch that.”

“Yeah, sure.”

I replied, and with a click of his tongue, he hung up.

“Seriously… what are you doing?”

Kasuga looked at me like I was a nuisance.

“This is a problem. Stop it. Don’t go. This weird outburst—just stop.”

She grabbed my arm as she said it.

“Yeah, but if I call him out and don’t go, that’s lame too.”

“It’s fine if you’re lame.”

That stung, but I shook her hand off.

“So what are you going to do when you get there?”

“I’ll punch him once. I’m Fedor.”

I threw a sharp punch into the air.

“Stop it. Soyama looks like he’s good at fighting. Someone like you would go down in seconds.”

“It’s fine. I’ll just look up the proper way to punch someone online while I’m heading there.”

“You really think that’s going to work…?”

Kasuga stared at me, exasperated.

“Okay, fine. I’ll run. I’ll hit him once and immediately run away.”

When I said that, Kasuga let out a tired sigh.

“Why does it have to come to violence? I mean… I’m okay with it, so isn’t that enough?”

“It’s not.”

“Why?”

I don’t know. I just hate it.

“Aoki… you’re kind of scary right now.”

Kasuga looked at me with simple, genuine concern.

“Don’t make that face. I’ll be fine.”

I looked at her again. If I kept talking, I felt like I’d say something even more incoherent.

So I turned my back and headed toward Soyama’s house.

]=

The『right way to punch someone.』Clench your fist tight. Keep your thumb tucked. Extend your arm fully. Strike straight through, like you’re punching all the way past the target.

While looking that up on my phone, I headed toward Soyama’s house.

I reached my destination and told him I’d arrived over LINE.

Soyama〉“Just come in. It’s unlocked. Second floor, my room.”

At this point, there was no turning back.

I stepped inside through the front door.

The hallway was dim, no sign of anyone. No one came to greet me. I took off my shoes and went in.

Climbing the unlit stairs, I reached the second floor. There was only one room with the door open and light spilling out, and a voice called,『Come in.』

I stepped inside.

Soyama was sitting, leaning against the edge of a single bed.

The room was big, probably over ten tatami mats. Besides Soyama, there were three guys and one girl. I couldn’t see their points anymore, since everything was still glitched. But they all probably ranked higher than me. It made me a little nervous.

Six people in total, including me. Even in a big room, it felt cramped.

“So, what is it, Aoki?”

The room was thick with cigarette smoke, and it stank. On top of that, everyone looked rough, intimidating.

“Why don’t you sit?”

The girl said it with a mocking laugh. I did as told and sat down. I ended up in the center of the room, surrounded on all sides. Like some kind of medieval trial.

【Why are you sitting seiza-style?】said ]f.

【That’s hilarious】said j&, laughing even harder.

I stood up, pulled a box cutter from my pocket, and—everyone’s eyes widened in shock—but I didn’t stop. I stabbed the blade straight into Soyama’s forehead.『Gah!』Blood burst out like a fountain as he screamed and collapsed backward. Then I went after the others, stabbing each of them one by one—

…And just as that fantasy swelled to its peak—

【Hey, are you even listening?】r?’s voice snapped me back to reality.

“Sorry, but… Soyama, could everyone else leave? I’d prefer to talk just the two of us.”

The moment I said that, the whole room burst into laughter. I was the only one not smiling.

“They all know about Kasuga, so it’s fine,”

Soyama said with a bright grin, dropping something quietly brutal.

“Oh… I see…”

So to him, Kasuga really was just a toy. Maybe he had that right. Maybe if your『points』were high enough, you were allowed to treat people however you wanted.

In the corner of the room, I noticed an electric guitar propped up. Looking closer, it was a Telecaster. Seeing someone I hated like the same things as me made me feel… complicated.

“Take Kasuga seriously. Break up with your current girl.”

【Who do you think you are? said ]f.】

“Just to confirm,”

Soyama stood up and looked down at me.

“Aoki, this has nothing to do with you, right? It’s between the people involved. Their feelings, their choices.”

“But—”

“Look, I fundamentally don’t trust women. They betray you easily, they’re trash. Girlfriends? Not worth it. I seriously hate women. I like sex, sure, but I have zero interest in women themselves. I’ve never once enjoyed talking to one. Never felt respect or trust. Harsh, but that’s the truth. Want me to be honest? Talking to women is just a process to get laid. I just don’t date anyone because there’s no benefit for me.”

“But Kasuga… this is probably her first love.”

“So what? I don’t care.”

【That’s not something you can just not care about】I said—but my words didn’t reach Soyama at all.

“I just wanted to try it once, you know? Being with a virgin. Life’s all about experiences, right?”

I felt drained but I still opened my mouth to argue back somehow.

“But Kasuga is pure. Unlike you… or me. So just stop.”

“There’s no such thing as a pure person.”

Soyama blew cigarette smoke right into my face, looking annoyed.

“If someone like that exists, they’re just fooling themselves into thinking they’re pure. Everyone just wants to believe they’re a good person. Right?”

Is that what people are like underneath it all… selfish, every last one of them?

“Give me money, and I’ll do it. Then I’ll stop messing with Kasuga.”

Soyama said it, and everyone except me snickered.

“…What?”

“Ten thousand should do. I’ve got no reason to listen to you otherwise, right?”

“I don’t have that kind of money.”

“Whenever’s fine. You’ll figure it out. The moment you bring it, I’ll ignore Kasuga.”

I couldn’t say anything else. No matter what I said, there was no way I could persuade him.

“Then why don’t you just go home, Aoki? Let me know when you’ve got the money.”

I stood up unsteadily and stared at Soyama, dazed.

“Do you really think you’re that great?”

“Not really.”

Soyama laughed.

“I just genuinely don’t get how people like you can live being that pathetic. If it were me, I’d have killed myself from the shame.”

Even as I thought, I wish this guy would just die, I couldn’t say anything back to him.

Because I was powerless.

?;

When I got to school the next morning, the first thing that caught my eye was my notebook pasted up on the blackboard.

I could hear snickering.

I immediately knew—I’d been screwed over.

Why is my notebook here?

It’s a disaster… but there’s no fixing it now.

“Yo.”

Someone called out to me.

“So you thought I was a 48, huh? Ugly, can’t read the room, total idiot.”

“Yeah” I shot back, almost recklessly, and walked to my seat.

There were several wet rags dumped on my desk. I brushed them aside and sat down. They smelled. But I just endured it.

【I always thought that guy was weird】I heard someone say. I didn’t have the energy to care about every little comment.

【He was always staring at mirrors.】

【Narcissist boy.】

【Creepy.】

My phone vibrated. When I checked it, there was a notification that I’d been removed from the class LINE group. I’d found it annoying anyway. Didn’t matter.

At the same time, everyone in the classroom looked down at their phones. A moment later, laughter echoed through the room.

They were probably posting something about me.

『Ah…it started.』I thought.

It was a horribly miserable, lowest-of-the-low feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long time.

This is bad. I’m shaken. I need to calm down. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Then a basketball came flying and hit me straight in the head.

When I turned around, Soyama was grinning at me. The ball that hit me bounced off, hit the classroom floor, and conveniently rolled right back to him.

“Sorry.”

Soyama smirked.

“Watch it.”

I forced a weak smile.

Another basketball hit my head.

“Sorry, Aokin.”

That nickname… it had been a while.『Aokin』came from『Aoki bacteria.』Supposedly, according to some rumor, it was more lethal than anthrax—touch it and you’d instantly die and turn into a zombie. Where did I even hear that from? Either way, someone from my old middle school must’ve told Soyama about it.

Naruse had her head lowered awkwardly. But I didn’t feel anything toward her anymore.

Then Kasuga walked into the classroom.

I didn’t want her to see this. It would just hurt for no reason.

At first, she looked confused, like she didn’t understand what was going on. But once she saw my notebook pinned to the board, she seemed to grasp the situation. She looked at me with this worried, pitying expression. 

Don’t look at me like that.

“This is wrong, you guys.”

Kasuga said it seriously, her voice trembling.

“Why would you do something like this?”

Ah…

I could feel Kasuga’s points dropping.

I couldn’t see them anymore, but somehow, I knew.

Don’t go playing hero for no reason.

Kasuga’s points…the points we’d spent almost a year building up… they were dropping so easily.

It made me want to cry.

“Shut up for a second.”

I clicked my tongue loudly and glared at her. Kasuga flinched, her body jerking in shock as she looked at me in disbelief.

“Kasuga…who asked you to worry about me? That part of you… it’s disgusting.”

“The most disgusting one here is you, isn’t it?”

Startled, I turned around. Soyama was the one who said it.

“Right, everyone?”

He looked around for agreement.

Only the guys close to him chimed in, saying【So gross.】Most of the class just looked away. No one met my eyes. They’d probably just write about it on LINE later.

I couldn’t say anything back.

A wet rag was shoved down the back of my clothes.

***

In the boys’ restroom, I looked at my face in the mirror.

That pathetic expression staring back at me looked exactly like the version of myself I hated most.

All of it…had been pointless effort.

And somehow, I felt like I had just regained my old identity.

I was always afraid of falling back to rock bottom.

The days I spent pretending, keeping up appearances… I was always on edge, scared that someday the lie would be exposed.

This is where I belong. My default position. The very bottom.

The feeling of being completely alone in the world.

Like the Earth had been wiped out by nuclear war, everyone in front of me just androids shaped like humans, and I was the last surviving member of humanity. That’s what it felt like.