Vol. 1 Chapter 2

1

The question of where Kasuga and I should talk was actually a fairly important issue.

“It’s not like I care, anywhere is fine” 

It might be fine for Kasuga, but for me,『anywhere』 was a problem.

If someone from the class were to see me talking with a low-point girl like Kasuga… just imagining it sent a chill down my spine.

By the next day, a beautifully drawn AiAi-gasa would probably be neatly sketched on the blackboard. AiAi-gasa¹

Aoki Naoto × Kasuga Yui (romantically paired)

Ahh, no, no, no! I seriously hate that. That alone, please spare me.

If something like that were to happen, my points would easily drop, plunging straight down like Niagara Falls, and it would turn into a disaster. It would be the death of my school life.『The sickness unto death is despair』 Søren Kierkegaard once said. But if you ask me, the death of school life is a drop in points. Once your points fall, it’s no exaggeration to say it becomes impossible to live a proper school life. All I can picture is a painful future.

Points fluctuate based on your relationships.

I definitely don’t want anyone at school to see me having a long, serious conversation with Kasuga. That, above all, was an absolute must to avoid.

So then, where in the world am I supposed to talk with Kasuga?

The number of options available to me, just an ordinary high school student, wasn’t that many to begin with.

And so… reluctantly.

There wasn’t really any other place.

I ended up bringing Kasuga to my room.

“Excuse me for intruding.”

She sat down neatly in front of the kotatsu table, lowering herself onto the flooring.

“It’s kind of tidy, huh.”

Kasuga said that as she looked around my room. To begin with, I don’t keep unnecessary things around, so there’s not much to make a mess with. A bed, a kotatsu table, a cushion to sit on instead of a zabuton and almost nothing else. Compared to others our age, maybe it does look tidy.

“Maybe that’s why Aoki-kun’s relationships are tidy too.”

Kasuga muttered that under her breath. I couldn’t quite let that slide.

“Are you trying to say I don’t have any friends?”

“You… do?”

“I don’t but if you’re going to link that to how my room looks, then I won’t be able to clean my room in peace ever again.”

“Got it. Sorry, that was a slip of the tongue.”

Kasuga apologized right away, so I let it go for now.

“Alright, let’s get started then.”

I deliberately created a more formal atmosphere and said that to Kasuga. I opened my usual notebook and wrote『About Points』as the topic with my mechanical pencil.

“First, let’s confirm the current situation.”

Once again, I explained Kasuga’s points to her, along with their breakdown.

To begin with, there are various kinds of『points』 people have (according to my research).

Broadly speaking, they can be divided into fixed points and fluctuating points.

Fixed points are those that won’t change much unless something extraordinary happens. In other words, they’re difficult to improve through effort. Height, for example, falls into this category. As a high school student, it’s not like the possibility of growing taller is zero, but generally speaking, there isn’t much room for growth.

So then, what would count as the fixed elements of Kasuga’s points?

I tried thinking about Kasuga’s appearance.

Kasuga’s height is slightly below average. That said, for girls, it’s not really much of a negative factor.

Her face. Talking about a girl’s looks right in front of her makes my conscience sting a bit.

“Kasuga, how many points do you think your face is worth?”

“Out of one hundred…?”

“You’ve got a strong mentality.” 

I was a little envious. I wish I could think that way too, but there’s no way.

Ignoring her claim, I decided to just put her at about average for now.

Right, it’s not like Kasuga is the type who was born with particularly bad looks or anything like that. If anything, her fixed points might actually be decent. That was also why I told her,『Let’s try to improve your points.』It seemed like something could still be done.

In fact, maybe the actual structure of Kasuga’s face is quite a bit better than average.

On the other hand, the overall impression she gives from her appearance can’t really be called good.

The problem lies more in her fluctuating points, like her sense of fashion.

“Kasuga, um, how should I put this…”

Our school has no uniform. That might have been a tragedy for her.

I’m not exactly great myself, not at all, really. But she was even more catastrophic.

『Unconcerned』might be the right word for it.

She usually wears a gray hoodie, and for some reason pairs it with gray pants. On top of that, she carries a crossbody bag with the strap stretched to its limit, slung over her shoulder as she goes to school. She doesn’t wear any makeup. In a way, you could call her androgynous, but people with loose tongues whisper things like『just like a sewer rat』or『a one-woman Linda Linda.』

And then there are those thick, bottle-bottom glasses that have practically become her trademark. They cover most of her face and completely throw off the balance of her appearance. What is that supposed to be? Some kind of joke?

Her fashion sense is hopeless. Still, this seems like something that could be improved, and fairly quickly at that.

“Hey, Kasuga, try taking off your glasses for a second.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Just do it.”

Getting impatient, I reached out and smoothly snatched her glasses away.

“What?”

Our eyes met. She actually looks way better like this, I thought. When I looked, the points above her head had gone up to forty-three, increasing by one. This is easy, I thought. In Kasuga’s case, since her base points are already so disastrously low, it seems like they’d be easy to raise.

“Kasuga, switch to contact lenses.”

“Eh, no way, I don’t want to.”

The moment Kasuga put those joke-like glasses back on, her points immediately dropped back to forty-two.

“This isn’t about whether you want to or not, just do it.”

Next, her academic ability. This, too, was pretty hopeless.

“Kasuga, how were your midterms the other day?”

When I asked about her recent test scores, for some reason she didn’t want to say. She kept fidgeting uselessly, which was annoying.

“A-about sixty points, maybe?”

“What do you mean『maybe』? There’s no『maybe』when it comes to scores.”

“I-I don’t remember.”

But I already know that Kasuga isn’t good at studying. And I’m probably not the only one. Most of my classmates know it too. I’ve never seen her properly answer a question when a teacher calls on her. Just the other day, when the social studies teacher asked about the three main duties of citizens, she somehow got the wrong idea and confidently answered『appetite, sleep, and sexual desire』and ended up humiliating herself.

“No, just say it. There’s no point trying to play dumb with me.”

Reluctantly, Kasuga finally confessed her actual scores.

They were all barely above failing and I hadn’t realized they were this bad, so it put me in a gloomy mood.

“Don’t say that, Aoki-kun, it’s not like you’re amazing at studying either, right?”

When Kasuga flips a switch, she suddenly speaks very bluntly. Maybe because we’re alone together in my room right now, that switch of hers is constantly ON. It’s not like I mind but it’s a bit annoying.

“Then I’ll study too. But I was better than you to begin with.”

Thanks to the flow of the conversation, I ended up with more trouble on my plate.

“Next, communication skills.”

I’m not exactly great at that myself either… so I can’t really act all superior. If I slip up, it’ll come back like a boomerang and stab me right in the chest.

“I think I have that, don’t I?”

“You really don’t, Kasuga.”

Kasuga has no friends in class. Not even superficial ones to chat with. She’s completely isolated. And I know the reason why.

Kasuga can’t read the room.

Because of that, she kept spinning her wheels and getting nowhere and people around her were totally put off. To be honest, if things hadn’t turned out like this, I probably would’ve never even talked to Kasuga.

“Kasuga, you don’t have any friends, right?”

“But Aoki-kun, you don’t either, do you?”

She hit a sore spot and I felt a sharp prick in my chest.

“Yeah, but I at least have people I talk to on the surface.”

“But you don’t look like you’re enjoying it at all. Your eyes never smile.”

“Yeah… I’ll admit that.”

Right, it’s true I don’t have any friends either. That’s why my points aren’t that high. I’m not really in a position to act all superior to others.

“But then, how do you even improve your communication skills?”

That was a difficult question. I’d like to know that myself.

“For now, that’s a tough one and I’m not good at it either, so let’s think it over carefully later.”

After that, we started listing up Kasuga’s smaller deduction points. It was easy to find all the areas where she fell short.

“Being in the go-home club might not be great.”

Both Kasuga and I don’t belong to any club. What people call the『go-home club.』Considering points, it’s not exactly a good thing.

If you just join a club, you naturally get more chances to talk to people, and your number of friends increases. Belonging to some kind of community and increasing your number of friends is the quickest way to raise your points.

“Got it. Then I’ll join a club.”

Kasuga immediately and unexpectedly started considering joining one, with surprising enthusiasm. Maybe she’s just straightforward like that.

“The problem is which one to join.”

“The tennis club sounds good.”

“Why? Did you play tennis before?”

“Not at all?”

“Then why?”

“Because Soyama-kun is in it.”

“Uh…are you sure about that? Maybe you should reconsider.”

I was a bit against it. As things are now, it felt risky for Kasuga to try and close the distance with Soyama too much.

“But I want the tennis club.”

Kasuga insisted, leaning forward with unusual eagerness, and in the end I reluctantly agreed with, 『Well… I guess it’s fine.』

And so, the first step of Kasuga’s point-improvement plan was decided: joining the tennis club where Soyama is.

Jumping straight into the tennis club felt kind of like a drastic measure, almost like throwing her into the deep end. But still, the fact that we arrived at a clear and simple conclusion might not have been such a bad thing in its own way.

2

Soon after that, Kasuga joined the tennis club, but in the end, she quit after just three days. I even thought,『It’s actually rare for the phrase《three-day monk》to fit someone’s behavior this perfectly』and I told her as much.

“That’s why I said I’m sorry.”

From what I heard, in the girls’ tennis club, first-years don’t have much interaction with the boys and the atmosphere is extremely sports-club-like. Since Kasuga joined halfway through the year, at this awkward time (June), she apparently ended up being lightly bullied.

“Nope, nope, nope, nope… escargot…”

With lifeless eyes, she still went to the tennis club for three days. Should I at least praise her a little for that? I didn’t really feel like it. My sense of exasperation was stronger.

The points above Kasuga’s head had dropped to forty. Down by two points. It had completely backfired.

Come to think of it, Naruse is also in the tennis club. So during our usual lunch break in the audiovisual room, I thought I’d casually ask about Kasuga. That was the plan, but I couldn’t come up with a natural way to bring it up, which put me in a bind.

“Anything new going on lately?”

In the end, during lunch break, I asked Naruse something vague like that, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Huh? Like what?”

Naruse said, looking surprised. She didn’t seem like she was playing dumb.

“Did something happen?”

Naruse stared blankly at the ceiling of the audiovisual room, as if trying to remember something.

“Oh, recently, my older sister got a boyfriend?”

“Wait, you have an older sister, Naruse?”

“Is that the first time you’ve heard? She’s in college.”

Anyway, for Naruse, Kasuga joining the tennis club didn’t seem like much of a topic. That much I understood.

I should’ve stopped there. Normally, I definitely would have. But that wouldn’t tell me anything about how Kasuga was doing, so I pushed a bit further.

“What about club activities? Like, did anyone new join or something?”

I immediately regretted how unnatural that sounded.

“Oh, yeah, actually. Right, Kasuga-san. Aoki, how do you know about that?”

No matter how I thought about it, it definitely sounded like I already knew.

“She didn’t really seem like she fit in…”

From the way Naruse frowned slightly, like it was hard to say, I could tell she didn’t think very positively of Kasuga’s behavior in the tennis club.

Even though Naruse didn’t seem like she wanted to say more, I managed to get a bit more out of her, enough to grasp the general outline of what Kasuga had been doing in the tennis club. Things Kasuga herself hadn’t told me.

Apparently, she collapsed during the initial running, refused to do chores, somehow snapped her racket the moment she held it, hit a ball straight into the advisor’s face, talked back to a senior and instantly made the atmosphere worse, and in the end, quietly disappeared without saying anything. That’s basically legendary. Why leave behind that kind of mark?

“W-well… yeah, her reputation isn’t great…”

Naruse’s face as she talked about Kasuga looked like that of an extra forced to drink bitter green juice.

“It’s not like it’s all Kasuga-san’s fault. The seniors, the club atmosphere…it’s kind of unique. Our club is pretty intense, like a hardcore sports club. It just feels like she couldn’t fit in, you know?”

Yeah… figures it would turn out that way.

Maybe, just maybe, this was my fault. I made her do something unreasonable and as a result, Kasuga’s points went down.

“But why? Aoki, are you close with Kasuga-san?”

“No, not at all. We’re not close.”

For a moment, I felt like I was betraying Kasuga, but it was also true that we weren’t particularly close. And in this situation, it would’ve been hard to say,『Actually, we’ve been talking a lot lately.』So I apologized to her silently in my heart.

***

After school, Kasuga was sulking in my room.

“I tried my best in my own way, you know.”

Without even trying to hide her sullen expression, she sat there pouting.

“But it didn’t work out…”

Kasuga said that helplessly, then flopped forward, burying her face on the kotatsu table.

“I tried hard, so couldn’t my points go up at least a little…? …No?”

She said that while looking up at me with pleading eyes.

Come to think of it, Kasuga thinks the whole『points』 thing is just something I came up with on my own and arbitrarily assign. I’ve never told her,『I can actually see points』after all.

“Probably, unfortunately… they went down, I think. By about two points.”

I said that while looking at the number forty above her head.

“Well, don’t worry about it too much. Let’s move on to the next thing, the next.”

I threw out some vague words that may or may not have been comforting at all.

Starting a brand-new club all of a sudden really was a bit too much.

“So, we decided to take a simpler approach instead.”

Saying that, I showed Kasuga a certain page on my smartphone.

“What’s this?”

“Just read it properly.”

“『De-otaku… fashion guide』…?”

Kasuga stared at it seriously for a while, then suddenly lifted her face and glared straight at me.

“Hey, Aoki-kun, you’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”

Busted.

“Not at all? Nothing like that. If anything, I respect you. In a way.”

“No, you’re totally making fun of me. This isn’t otaku fashion. It’s a same-color outfit picked from Shimamura and GU…” 

I had absolutely no idea how this wasn’t otaku fashion, but arguing about that would be a hassle, so I avoided it. I half-listened to her own particular reasoning about today’s outfit (it reminded me of the phrase,『Even shaving has its own philosophy』), letting it go in one ear and out the other.

“So, what are you going to do? Not do it? Or do it?”

I asked Kasuga, feeling somewhat fed up.

“………………………………I’ll do it.”

After a long silence that felt like twelve ellipses in a row, Kasuga finally said that with an oddly resolute expression.

3

Now then, as we spent more time together, I gradually came to realize something: Kasuga was actually quite straightforward. You could say that was one of her few virtues. She would immediately put my advice into practice and she even seemed to enjoy doing it.

Anyway, little by little…how should I put it, she gradually started to improve.

I watched, with a slightly incredulous feeling, as the points above Kasuga’s head rose day by day. It was like the deviation score of a Biri Gal.

[“Biri Gal” refers to a famous Japanese story about a girl who drastically improves her academic performance.]

For example, to improve her fashion, we went to a shopping mall. I even helped pick out clothes for her.

Choosing clothes was difficult for me too, but in the end, I got through it by referring to magazines, listening to the shop staff’s opinions and putting together something safe and neutral.

Kasuga also succeeded in dieting, trimming her weight down a bit and losing three kilograms. It’s not like she was originally that overweight but once she bought new clothes, they had a more fitted silhouette, so she naturally felt like losing weight. It wasn’t like anything changed dramatically, but at a glance, her overall impression looked more refined.

“Maybe I’m actually someone who can do things if I try?”

“Most people in the world are like that… they just don’t try.”

After that, Kasuga started talking to people on her own. Nervously, of course. Well, she’s not exactly gloomy by nature, so it didn’t seem painful for her.

And then…I’m not sure whether this was a good thing or not, but Kasuga started crafting a『persona.』

If you compare her conversations before and after, it’s something like this:

Before…the moment you talk to her, she immediately starts talking only about herself.

After… she keeps giving backchannel responses.

【Heeey!】

【Oh, I see.】

【That’s amazing.】

I was the one who taught her this, and I called it the 『Heeey, I see, oh really, that’s amazing method.』When conversations feel like a hassle, it’s my ultimate technique for dealing with classmates without lowering my likability.

“Anyway, it applies to you too, Kasuga, but most people in the world are dying to have someone listen to them. So all you have to do is react. Then they’ll naturally start to like you.”

“But wouldn’t they think you’re making fun of them?”

“Just put some emotion into it. Not like the emotionless, half-hearted, bland, zero-calorie responses I usually give you. Put in at least some temporary respect. Like, 『Heeey! Really! That’s amazing!』like that.”

“I still feel like you’re making fun of me a lot, Aoki-kun…”

Kasuga, who was straightforward and earnest, put this into practice in the classroom with all her effort. At first, her classmates looked suspicious when she suddenly started talking to them, but as they saw the “new Kasuga” trying to read the room and match the other person’s mood, they gradually began to open up to her.

As things went on like that, she eventually started to gain people she could talk to. The number of classmates she chatted with gradually increased, and along with that, her points went up too.

“Listening to people is tiring, isn’t it? I’m kind of exhausted. Why do I have to go through all this…”

Every day after school, Kasuga would come over to my room, and maybe as a rebound from holding it in during class, she’d talk nonstop about herself like a machine gun. If she didn’t let off some steam, it felt like she’d explode, so I just listened half-heartedly.

After that, Kasuga also started studying. That said, she wasn’t the type to study on her own if left alone, so naturally, we ended up studying together in my room.

“Kasuga, how did you even manage to get into our high school…”

It’s not like the deviation score is that high, but honestly, at first, Kasuga was so bad at studying that I almost doubted whether she had really passed the entrance exam.

“Kasuga, could it be… backdoor admission?”

“You’re making fun of me.”

Dodging the cushion she threw at me, I pressed further. 『No, seriously. How did you pass the entrance exam?』

“…Actually, my deviation score wasn’t enough at all. It was kind of like a commemorative attempt. But I think, probably, I just guessed all the multiple-choice answers and somehow got them all right.”

“Seriously…?”

“Yeah… I somehow passed…”

I don’t know if something like that can really happen, but there’s no doubt that Kasuga’s academic ability was at the very bottom of the class. At the very least, I was somewhat better than her. So I ended up acting as her tutor, teaching her day after day.

『Pay me hourly』muttered, and Kasuga looked at me curiously and said,『Why?』

“Because right now, I’m listening to you, so I figured maybe this counts as service time. I’m the one putting up with listening right now, so I should be the one getting paid.”

“You… seriously.”

Even though I sighed, I realized while teaching her that Kasuga wasn’t actually that stupid. If anything, her unusual level of straightforwardness worked in her favor, and she quickly caught up on the basics. The reason she had struggled was because there were many points where she had stumbled in middle school material. All I had to do was reteach those.

As a result, her quiz scores improved. At this rate, I thought she might even rank fairly well on the final exams.

With things going like that, she stopped giving ridiculous answers when called on in class, people around her began to see her differently…and her points kept rising day by day. Since her points had originally been low, she had that much room to grow.

I found it strange myself, why I was going this far. But it seemed that I had gotten absorbed in the act of raising Kasuga’s points.

It’s not like I’m a kind person. I wasn’t doing this for Kasuga’s sake at all. I think. Probably. The reason I was helping her was, in a way, because it felt like a game.

Supporting Kasuga’s love life felt like playing some kind of game, and I found it a little fun inside.

Every time her points went up, it felt like a level-up BGM was playing.

There was a sense of progress.

It felt like raising a monster or an idol in some kind of training game.

Ever since I started being able to see these『points』I had spent my lonely days recording them in a notebook and thinking about their breakdown. Maybe this was the culmination of all that, producing Kasuga.

Her number of friends increased, plus three. Her quiz scores went up, plus one. What should I do tomorrow to raise Kasuga’s points? Let’s find clothes that suit her. That should raise her points even more, right?

After I kept saying it over and over, eventually Kasuga finally stopped wearing glasses, switched to contact lenses, and even started wearing a bit of makeup.

“How is it? Does it look weird?”

One morning, when I happened to run into her at the school gate, I didn’t even realize at first that the person talking to me was Kasuga. Her whole vibe had changed that much. Without those unfashionable, ill-fitting Wellington glasses and with all the effort she had put into raising her points bearing fruit, Kasuga, at a glance, actually looked pretty decent.

“I think it looks good.”

I said that to her, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Isn’t this just…me turning into the kind of girl Aoki-kun likes?”

Kasuga suddenly said that with a suspicious look, and I replied, slightly annoyed,『That’s not it at all.』

【Hey, hasn’t Kasuga-san changed lately?】,【She’s gotten cuter, right?】— voices like that could be heard in the classroom too.

“Hey, how many points am I at now?”

Kasuga asked me as if to confirm, and judging from her expression, she seemed to be in a pretty good mood. She herself looked like she was enjoying this whole process.

Kasuga’s points had reached fifty-six.

I didn’t tell her that, though.

Strangely enough, she had already surpassed me.

As I went through days like that… a thought suddenly came to me, calmly.

If Kasuga’s points kept increasing smoothly like this, could there ever come a day when her points would be on the same level as Soyama’s?

No way, right?

Even as Kasuga’s looks and academic ability kept improving, I felt pretty uneasy.

What would I do if, one day, she ran out of room to grow? What would I even say to her then?

I tried writing it out in my notebook a few times and even did some rough calculations. But no matter how much effort Kasuga put in, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe, optimistically, that she could reach the same level of points as Soyama.

4

Because of Kasuga, I felt the need to talk to Soyama. Know your enemy and know yourself…what was the rest again? Anyway, I figured that if I got acquainted with Soyama, it would be useful for Kasuga in various ways later on.

For a week, I hesitated over how to approach him and just observed him. I wanted to catch him alone. It wasn’t just Soyama, but I had no confidence in chatting with him along with his group of friends.

That opportunity came sooner than expected, by chance. During homeroom, we were assigned to do a big school cleaning (what a drag), and Soyama and I ended up being assigned to the same area.

“Aoki, which middle school did you go to?”

I was a little surprised. I was thrown off not only because he suddenly talked to me, but also by the topic he brought up. I didn’t really want to say it, but saying 『I don’t want to say』would make me seem weirdly particular, so I reluctantly answered normally, 『Kashima Middle School.』

“I went to Yokota Middle School. Do you do any clubs? Or did you?”

“No. I didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah, clubs are a hassle.”

After that, a bit of silence. We had almost no connection, and I had no idea how to keep the conversation going.

“Hey.”

Feeling a bit reckless, I decided to just say it for now.

“How do you become popular, Soyama?”

Soyama let out a laugh. Apparently, it hadn’t been such a bad way to bring up the topic after all. I felt relieved.

“It’s not like I’m that popular anyway.”

“But you’re more popular than me.”

“Well, yeah, Aoki doesn’t seem like the type to be popular.”

Soyama suddenly said that with a straight face and I was momentarily at a loss for words.

“No, that’s the part where you’re supposed to get mad” he added with a laugh, and I felt relieved, realizing it was a joke.

“It’s not that hard, really.”

“Are there any techniques or something?”

“Techniques? Nah, nothing like that. I don’t know… now that you mention it, I don’t think I’ve ever consciously thought about how I interact with people.”

I see. In other words, Soyama is probably just a natural. Like a genius athlete who says,『You just go whoosh and then bam.』Unlike me, he probably doesn’t have to overthink things.

“I just act normal, that’s all.”

“I see. Hey, Soyama.”

I thought I could bring it up naturally.

“Do you have a girlfriend or something?”

At that, Soyama made a slight gesture as if thinking, lowering his gaze to his shoes.

“Well, I don’t have one”

He added awkwardly, letting out a small, dry laugh.

“No, I don’t think I have a girlfriend. Yeah. I don’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I said, confused by his strange wording and Soyama corrected himself,

“No, I really don’t.”

“Aoki, if you find a good girl, introduce her to me.”

“Ah, sure.”

Still, was that really true? I found it hard to believe that Soyama didn’t have a girlfriend.

Anyway, I felt a little satisfied just from being able to have a casual conversation with him.

As days like that went on, sometimes at night when I was alone in my room, I would suddenly feel uneasy. Thinking about Kasuga, Naruse and Soyama, that anxiety would creep in.

How long will these ordinary days continue?

Maybe everyone else is just casually enjoying their lives.

But I’m not like that.

I have to try my hardest just to be normal. I can’t let my guard down for even a moment.

For now, I think I’m doing pretty well. I’m managing to play the role of an ordinary high school student.

But someday, won’t the cracks start to show? When I think about that, it scares me.

I feel like, eventually, Naruse will come to hate me beyond repair.

Kasuga will probably grow tired of me too, and eventually stop even talking to me.

In manga and dramas, they always depict『opening your heart』or『showing your true self』as something precious, but I’m not so sure about that. If you want to expose yourself, go ahead, but I feel a kind of pressure when it’s forced on me, and I’m not good with that sort of thing.

It’s not like I’m interested in the『real』Naruse or Kasuga, and I get the feeling that they wouldn’t want to see the『real』me either.

The real self…isn’t something you can show to anyone, not even your parents.

《Soyama》What do you usually do on your days off or after school?

My phone, lying at the edge of the bed, started vibrating. When I checked it, it was a LINE message from Soyama.

Me〉I sometimes go out with friends, or just hang out at home, I guess.

I couldn’t help but wonder what it says about me, being able to lie so casually like that.

Soyama〉Aoki, are you free next Saturday?

When a classmate invites me out on a Saturday, it somehow feels like『going to work on a day off.』By that same logic, hanging out after school out of obligation is like『unpaid overtime』and either way, I don’t really want to go.

Me〉Sorry, I’ve got a part-time shift—

I was about to send that lie, even though I don’t have a job, but then I suddenly stopped. Kasuga’s face came to mind. I remembered why I had gone out of my way to talk to Soyama in the first place. This might actually be a good opportunity. I deleted the lie and sent a different message.

Me〉I’m free.

Soyama〉Then come to the ticket gates at Ebina Station.

Me〉I want to bring another friend along, is that okay?

There was a bit of a pause, and I felt slightly nervous.

Soyama〉Yeah, I was actually thinking of bringing someone too, so that’s totally fine.

Just this short exchange on LINE left me feeling completely exhausted.

Living a normal student life is tiring.

If only I could keep interacting with people on the surface forever. But as relationships progress, the emotional distance between people gradually closes, and that terrifies me. I wish I could go my whole life just making small talk. Talking about things like soccer match results, or a teacher’s quirky way of speaking. I just want to keep talking about that kind of stuff with everyone forever.

Once you get too close, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to talk about anymore.

About the Linda Linda

-[“A one-woman Linda Linda” is a teasing (kind of mean) comparison.

It refers to 「リンダ リンダ」 (Linda Linda), a famous punk rock song by The Blue Hearts.

What it implies:

The song is loud, raw, repetitive, and a bit rough/chaotic in style

The singer’s voice is intentionally unpolished and intense

It gives off a wild, unrefined energy

So when someone says “一人リンダリンダ” (hitori Linda Linda):

Literally: “a one-person Linda Linda”

Meaning:

Someone who feels rough, messy, or unpolished

Possibly loud, awkward, or socially off

Gives off a chaotic or out-of-place vibe, like they don’t fit the surroundings]