Vol. 2 Chapter 99 – Sakuramiya Kyo’s Jealousy and Inferiority Complex

When I was young, I thought I was a special person.

I always got perfect scores on school tests and received awards at every sports festival.

I could easily do things others couldn’t despite trying desperately.

Most of all, I was always surrounded by many people who praised me as ‘cute.’

Boys and girls from the same school, adults like parents and relatives—countless people.

Among them, my uncle especially gave me the most ‘cute’s every time we met, along with trendy clothes and accessories as presents.

Whether serious or joking, he often said things like ‘Kyo-chan will become an incredible beauty when she grows up, so I’d love to have her appear in our company’s commercials.’

Naturally, even as a child I grew stronger in my self-esteem believing I was a special person.

This led me to apply several times for junior model and idol auditions.

I always made it far but repeatedly failed at the final step.

The judges always told me the same thing at final interviews.

Her face is beautifully arranged, and she has long limbs with a good figure.

She sings well enough and can dance.

But she’s too neatly put together and lacks sparkle.

Hearing that always left me unsatisfied.

What’s sparkle?

Not face, not body, and certainly not skill.

You just attached arbitrary reasons to your preferences.

I don’t want anything to do with a world where you’re rejected for such uncertain things.

Besides, I only applied on a whim and didn’t really want to become one anyway.

Making such excuses internally, I quickly gave up on becoming a model or idol.

However, as a middle schooler, I came to know the definitive answer.

Meeting Asahi Hikaru.

She had what I lacked.

Not just being cute and having a good figure.

Unlike me, she had natural charm that made everyone like her just being herself without putting on airs.

In other words, she had sparkle.

Through her, I realized I wasn’t a special person.

Even if I was no longer special, life inevitably continued.

I constantly felt inferior to her, who surpassed me in everything.

But back then, those feelings were still manageable enough to hide.

We could be friends on the surface, and I think people around us evaluated us as ‘friends.’

We called each other ‘Hikaru’ and ‘Kyo’ and often went out together.

Some time after meeting her, I got my first boyfriend.

He was a popular upperclassman at the same school, famous among girls.

I remember feeling pleased when everyone said they envied me.

After dating a while, when I was a third-year middle schooler and he was a first-year high schooler, we had our first experience.

It happened at his house, and I think it was an ideal way to get it over with.

However, after it ended, my senpai said this to me:

‘There’s a girl named Asahi Hikaru in your year, right? An acquaintance keeps bugging me to know her contact info, so can you give it to me? You’re friends, right?’

He said ‘acquaintance,’ but it was obviously about himself.

While fiddling with his phone like playing a game, he looked at me like a stage he’d already cleared.

That’s what led to breaking up with senpai… or maybe we were never even dating to begin with.

Anyway, I was severely shocked at the time and got sick enough to be bedridden for a long while.

I never wanted to feel this way again.

What should I do to prevent that?

I had to become a more attractive girl than Hikaru, so I decorated myself with various things.

I collected popular, fashionable clothes, accessories, bags and small items.

Even boyfriends—I kept upgrading to higher-grade guys.

Starting with popular senpai at school, then young stage actors, current models, and famous medical students.

I dated many people everyone would envy.

Still, I never once thought I’d beaten Hikaru.

When I appeared briefly in a fashion magazine’s street snap corner, that topic was consumed in the brief time before morning homeroom.

Meanwhile, when Hikaru was featured across multiple pages in the same magazine, new people kept bringing up that topic from all over school, and it dominated conversation for over a week.

The more I competed, the more I was repeatedly confronted with not being special.

A pitiable woman decorated with miserable pride stained by inferiority toward Hikaru.

That was me.

About two months into my second year of high school, I heard Hikaru had confessed to someone.

When I first heard that, I felt only fear.

What kind of guy would she date?

How would she make me feel hopelessly miserable again?

But learning the facts surprised me in a different way.

Asahi Hikaru had chosen a guy from the same class.

Not someone particularly good-looking or outstanding in any way—just ordinary.

No, if anything, he was unremarkable enough that no one would care whether he was there or not.

For the first time in a while, I laughed from the bottom of my heart.

Asahi Hikaru, who could choose any guy she wanted, had picked such an inferior man.

I was so happy I couldn’t contain it.

Everyone was speechless with disbelief, but I’d give her my fullest blessing.

Finally I’d beaten Asahi Hikaru… that’s what I thought, but—

From that day on, she seemed to shine even more than before.

Even though she’d fallen for a guy no one envied…

Why does she look so happy?

Why does she seem so delighted?

Why does she appear so blissful?

It was because she was experiencing genuine love without calculation.

Thinking about it, I’d never felt such emotions even once.

I was always just trying to gain some superiority over Asahi Hikaru.

Every time she happily called out ‘Reiya-kun, Reiya-kun’ in front of me, I was struck by even greater inferiority than before.

Everything surrounding me began feeling like mere vanity.

When pride disappeared from miserable pride, only misery remained.

It was then that a black emotion unlike any before first sprouted in my heart’s depths.

In the summer of my second year of high school, my uncle contacted me after a long time.

‘Our company is investing in a large resort facility opening soon, so bring friends and come play.’

I didn’t hesitate to invite those two.

But even then, reason still held me back.

I wished their relationship would fall apart… but could never act on such thoughts.

While tormented by such conflicts, summer vacation arrived and the travel day came.

Good weather and calm seas made for perfect beach conditions.

I wanted to enjoy just today without thinking about anything else.

To convey everyone’s gratitude, I decided to visit my uncle first.

I was also looking forward to seeing my uncle again after so long, separate from the resort.

My uncle who’d truly cherished me like his own daughter since childhood.

He’d often taken me to places like this during this season, saying ‘Kyo-chan really suits summer’ while buying me lots of lovely swimsuits.

While reminiscing about the past on the way to the hotel, I suddenly remembered a childhood promise.

‘Kyo-chan will become an incredible beauty when she grows up, so I’d love to have her appear in our company’s commercials.’

I’d just remembered randomly and wasn’t seriously expecting that childish promise anymore.

But maybe he’d use a photo or two of us playing together in a pamphlet or something.

Harboring such faint hopes, my uncle said this to me right after we finished greetings:

‘By the way, you’re classmates with that Asahi Hikaru-chan, right? This is just between us, but… I want her to be our spokesperson here. You know, she’s bright and cute, perfect for our image here, right? No one suits summer like that girl. But when we approached her management company, they said swimsuits were out. Kyo-chan, could you ask through your classmate connection…?’

I don’t remember how I answered that at all.

I just noticed tears flowing endlessly at some point.

How miserable am I?

If this world is a stage and Hikaru is the protagonist, I’m nothing but a clown.

The moment I understood that, something barely holding together inside me broke with a devastating sound.

I didn’t care what happened anymore—I just had to make her taste even a little of this misery.

Just like what was done to me, I’d ruin her most precious once-in-a-lifetime experience… that was the plan, but—

“No, I’m good…” (Reiya)

My full-force seduction was easily rejected.

“I’m good… eh? Ah… I said I’d let you have sex but didn’t that get across?” (Sakuramiya)

“No, that’s why… I said I’m good…” (Reiya)

Again, even using specific words, I was rejected.

Impossible. Why.

No matter what they say about love, all guys ultimately just want to do it.

At least, all the guys I’d dated before were like that.

“I-I’ll keep quiet… I don’t think anyone would ever find out…” (Sakuramiya)

As if I was desperately begging to be embraced, I clung desperately.

It was no longer about Hikaru—I wanted to deny the fact of being rejected by this level of guy.

“It’s not about finding out or not… I don’t want to do that kind of thing with Sakuramiya-san…” (Reiya)

At the complete rejection, I lost words and couldn’t continue speaking.

“Ah, it’s not specifically because you’re Sakuramiya-san… I mean I wouldn’t with anyone else either… That kind of thing is only between lovers… I’m Hikaru’s boyfriend, and I could never betray Hika—” (Reiya)

“Shut up!! What is this!? Everyone always opens their mouth and it’s Hikaru Hikaru Hikaru!!” (Sakuramiya)

The emotions I’d suppressed until now finally exploded.

Ah, I did it… I screwed up.

While thinking that, words poured out like an avalanche from my heart once the dam burst.

“Oh right! She’s cute! Unlike me, she’s charming!” (Sakuramiya)

The guy in front of me stared in amazement at such a me.

But I couldn’t stop anymore.

I continued with momentum to vomit out all the jealousy I’d accumulated for years.

“Why is she so cute with such casual light makeup!? It’s weird!? Do you know how much time I spend every morning trying to make my eyes look naturally bigger!?” (Sakuramiya)

Nothing mattered anymore.

“And she’s smart and good at studying, and for tennis she’s getting attention from around the world? I’m completely different from someone who danced from kindergarten through elementary school but nothing came of it! And despite being so busy, she gets featured across multiple pages in various magazines every month! She’d definitely laugh if she knew how many times I walked up and down main streets to get photographed for less than one-fifth of one page!” (Sakuramiya)

It would be easier if everything just ended, so I exposed all my shameful parts and everything.

“Then what’s next? Just when I thought she’d started shining even more after getting a boyfriend, she goes mega-viral with short videos and quickly becomes popular on SNS and TV too? It’s all too much and incomprehensible… what is this, really… why…” (Sakuramiya)

After my disgraceful outpouring ended, my emptied heart sank even further.

“Why… why am I not Asahi Hikaru…?” (Sakuramiya)

And finally, I spoke the words I’d supposedly hidden deep in my heart.

Jealousy and inferiority, traced back to their source, are all admiration.

I’d always wanted to be like Hikaru.

I’d felt it strongly before knowing of her existence, and even more so after.

“Sakuramiya-san…” (Reiya)

“You’re so lucky… getting to make such a popular person yours, you must be so satisfied—” (Sakuramiya)

Anger, contempt—let him expose all my dirty true nature to broad daylight.

With such thoughts, I should have spewed everything out, but—

“I understand. It’s really tough, isn’t it?” (Reiya)

“…Eh?” (Sakuramiya)

At the unexpected words of sympathy, I unconsciously looked up.

He wasn’t angry or pitying me, just smiling bitterly.

“I’m also someone who’s constantly felt inferior to Hikaru… no, not just Hikaru.” (Reiya)

“That’s… you’re her boyfriend so you can just brag…” (Sakuramiya)

“Well, of course I’m proud. I’m happy about any of Hikaru’s successes… But separately from that… since being confessed to, I’ve constantly wondered if I’m really good enough to be Asahi Hikaru’s boyfriend.” (Reiya)

Saying that, he smiled self-deprecatingly again.

“After all, Hikaru’s advancement speed is abnormal… while I’m desperately climbing a mountain trying to get even a little recognition from everyone, she just flies over it lightly with her own wings… Of course there’s her effort too… but from someone like me, it really feels like God made a mistake in status distribution…” (Reiya)

I could empathize with those words as if I were speaking them myself.

“But even such a Hikaru surprisingly often envies other people.” (Reiya)

“Ha… what could that girl possibly envy in others…” (Sakuramiya)

“I understand thinking that, and I’m a bit conflicted about whether I should say this… but recently she said ‘Kyo has beautiful hands and I’m really envious.'” (Reiya)

“…Hands?” (Sakuramiya)

“Yeah, she said you do all your own nails beautifully and even do them for other people, which is amazing. She can’t do nails because of tennis, and gets calluses on her palms… she seemed really envious…” (Reiya)

“What’s that… that’s nothing special…” (Sakuramiya)

“It might not seem so to you, Sakuramiya-san, but I think Hikaru was definitely speaking from her heart. So there’s no need for you to judge yourself as worthless and become self-destructive… that’s what I think…” (Reiya)

There was no lie in Hikaru’s words conveyed through the person before me.

She probably really did say it enviously, and as happily as if talking about herself.

Yes, I should have known Asahi Hikaru was that kind of person.

Because when we appeared in the same magazine, Hikaru was the one who was genuinely happiest for me.

Remembering that, strong regret and self-reproach struck me.

What had I been trying to do?

“Incidentally, being bragged about by Hikaru somewhere I don’t know is one of my goals too… but that’s pretty difficult, so I kind of envy you, Sakuramiya-san…” (Reiya)

“Difficult or rather… you can’t tell yourself…” (Sakuramiya)

“True… now that you mention it, you’re right…” (Reiya)

I couldn’t help but smile wryly at him realizing this just now.

“Well, anyway… I’ll keep what happened earlier to myself.” (Reiya)

“You’re too good-natured… I tried to trap you…” (Sakuramiya)

“Well, nothing actually happened…” (Reiya)

Saying that, he smiled bitterly and continued.

“Also, like I said before… I really understand your feelings too… So please, from now on, stop doing things that hurt yourself and those around you… that’s what I think as someone similar.” (Reiya)

Words too kind for a woman who’d tried to deceive him.

“Well, I’ll head back first… Sakuramiya-san can come back when you’ve calmed down…” (Reiya)

And so he left without expressing any anger to the very end.

Even though he’d been subjected to something that would justify any amount of anger or contempt.

But I understood why Hikaru chose this person…

“Sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” (Sakuramiya)

Curling up on the bed alone in the room, sobs and apologies poured out.

I realized how hopelessly foolish I’d been.

I’d hated my miserable self, yet was about to do the most miserable thing.

While tormented by such strong regret and self-reproach, another emotion was also born.

I was understood.

He understood me.

There was someone who understood my hopelessly ugly jealousy and inferiority complex…

An unnamed emotion welled up from deep in my chest, making my heart beat rapidly.

It must be from the unaccustomed loud voice I’d used.

— Author’s Note —
Sorry to follow such a problematic chapter with more promotion! Finally today, the book version of “The Light Attribute Beautiful Girl Asahi-san Somehow Started Spending Every Weekend in My Room” was released! Hooray! https://ga.sbcr.jp/product/9784815626945/

Thank you to those who already purchased it! Please support those planning to purchase as well!!

Well, first I’m relieved that it was safely published. However, commercial publishing is really just getting started from here! I want it to sell as many copies as possible so we can continue with volumes 2, 3, etc. So please lend me your strength!! If you read it, please post impressions on SNS, rate it on shopping sites, and help get it to as many new readers as possible—the author will be incredibly happy!!