Vol. 1 Chapter 29 – The Worst

In the waiting room before the performance. My gaze flickered between the autograph board in my hand and my biological father, who was making small talk with Nagisa, as I hesitated on how to broach the subject.

The autograph board and pen that Aida had handed me with a whisper of “Get me an autograph, okay?” before she rushed out of the room.

It was true that when I asked her to be the narrator, I had heard she wanted Hokujou Yuuya’s autograph, but I had been planning to go through Nagisa if possible. …But.

“Even I get nervous sometimes, you know?” (Nagisa)

Nagisa had been repeating this action for a while now—glancing at me while talking to my father, then quickly looking away.

It was difficult to ask Nagisa in this state. The cause was that Nagisa was conscious of what happened in the classroom earlier, but it was the same for me.

If anything, I might be feeling more awkward out of regret that this situation could have been avoided if only I hadn’t gotten swept up in the atmosphere. After all, I was the one who had accepted that lap pillow temptation.

If I couldn’t get the autograph because I failed to speak up, I wouldn’t be able to face Aida. In the first place, I was the one who said Aida’s condition for getting the autograph was possible, and I couldn’t let this chance slip away because of me.

I let out a small sigh, careful not to let the two of them hear.

“Um! Could I possibly get an autograph…?” (Yuuto)

I said, offering the autograph board and pen with a slight delay. If one were to view this as a conversation between parent and child, it would probably score a zero. However, if someone who knew nothing, like Nagisa, saw it, it would just look like a conversation between a nervous ordinary person and a famous actor… I think.

“Yeah! Not a problem at all.” (Hokujou)

Was it because a fan asked for an autograph, or because his son spoke to him for the first time? He showed an expression that could be interpreted either way as happy, and took the autograph board from me.

Nagisa, who had been talking with Dad, followed Dad’s gaze and looked towards me, but I felt like our eyes didn’t quite meet.

“Umm, To Aoi Yuuto-kun… is that okay?” (Hokujou)

My heart skipped a beat at my name coming out so naturally, but thinking about it, there was nothing strange about Hokujou Yuuya, who had come as an examiner, remembering the names of the performers.

If it was about Nagisa, his acquaintance, and her team members, it would be even less surprising if he remembered their names.

“Ah, the girl who just left asked me to get it… Her name is Aida Yume.” (Yuuto)

“Then… To Yume-chan, would that be okay? The kanji for Yume is the ‘dream’ you see when you’re sleeping, right?” (Hokujou)

When I nodded in affirmation, he moved the pen across the autograph board with a practiced hand, finishing the autograph in a matter of seconds.

“So, do you not need an autograph for yourself?” (Hokujou)

He turned a textbook smile towards me, the kind you often see on messaging app stickers.

“Ah… umm.” (Yuuto)

Normally, I would definitely want this autograph. Or rather, as an actor, I would normally want Hokujou Yuuya’s autograph too.

But I, who had intended to meet Hokujou Yuuya as a father, not Hokujou Yuuya as an actor, hadn’t brought an autograph board. I hesitated for a moment, then offered the script I had in my school bag.

It wasn’t an autograph board, and since I had been using it throughout this exam period, it had no noticeable stains but did have creases and such. However, Hokujou Yuuya didn’t seem to mind at all and happily moved his pen across it.

{To Yuuto}

Was the signature, written in hiragana, because he didn’t know the kanji, or was it Dad’s own quiet way of expressing affection? It didn’t even take any thought for me to believe it was the latter.

The days I spent with Mom naturally floated into my mind. I shouldn’t have had any particularly bad or painful memories, yet I felt something warm deep in my heart.

I felt like I somehow understood the father I had only known as a concept, as a word, until now.

“Well then, I’ll head back first. If they find out I’m here visiting, I’ll get scolded, you see.” (Hokujou)

I couldn’t help but chuckle softly at my father, who said this jokingly. Hokujou Yuuya looked at me with satisfaction, then said, “Well then, I’m looking forward to your exam,” and left the waiting room.

After letting my gaze linger on the words written on the script for a few seconds, I slowly put it back in my bag, careful not to tear it.

How should I tell Mom about this when I get home? Even though we would be moving in less than ten minutes, my mind was somewhere other than the exam.

Perhaps that’s why. Why I didn’t notice.

“…Hey.” (Nagisa)

Nagisa, staring intently at her smartphone, spoke to me in a voice like a murmur. Had her mind finally drifted away from the lap pillow incident? For the sake of the exam too, I wanted to return to our usual atmosphere soon.

“What is it?” (Yuuto)

Thinking such thoughts, I replied, conscious of maintaining my composure.

“Look at this.” (Nagisa)

The smartphone screen thrust at me showed a picture of Hokujou Yuuya taken quite a long time ago. …Was it around the time he was being marketed as an idol, before I was born?

“So, what about it?” (Yuuto)

In reality, my heart was pounding so loudly it was deafening, but I desperately feigned composure.

“Don’t you think you look alike?” (Nagisa)

“To whom?” (Yuuto)

“To you.” (Nagisa)

To make it seem like I wasn’t interested at all, I leaned back against the chair and stretched widely.

“Hmm… I can’t tell myself, but Aida said so too, so maybe it’s true, actually.” (Yuuto)

“It’s the first time I’ve seen it, but you do look alike.” (Nagisa)

“Huh… That’s a welcome thing to hear.” (Yuuto)

The conversation, which I wished would stop there, didn’t stop.

“When I was a child actor, I co-starred with Yuuya-san. As his daughter.” (Nagisa)

“I kind of know that. I think Mom mentioned it before.” (Yuuto)

Not ‘kind of’. I followed the dramas and movies Dad appeared in. I, who had been captivated by Hokujou Yuuya as an actor, only realized that the child actor in that drama and Nagisa were the same person after we met.

“At that time, I thought, I’ll never be able to surpass this person, even if it takes my whole life. The gentle look in his eyes, like a real father’s, the way he secretly gave me snacks when a staff member lightly scolded me, it all felt like a father doting on his daughter…” (Nagisa)

Even as she spoke, reminiscing about the past, her gaze didn’t leave me. It wouldn’t leave me.

“I’ve spent many years in this entertainment world too. I have confidence that I can tell better than others when someone is acting, when someone is being genuine.” (Nagisa)

The hand holding the smartphone was, before I knew it, trembling slightly and slowly lowered.

“Why…” (Nagisa)

The words Nagisa uttered began to tremble.

“…Why is that look in his eyes, that attitude! The real thing, directed at Yuuto…?” (Nagisa)

Words wouldn’t come out.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” (Nagisa)

Nagisa must have understood. She must have reached the truth. The possibility that I was the “talented child” Hokujou Yuuya (the person she respected most) had told her about, the one who had tormented and troubled her.

Even in this situation, instead of the words of denial that instantly came to mind, I found myself searching somewhere in my brain for the optimal answer to get through this. Seeing me like that, Nagisa’s expression became even sadder.

“Were you able to get the autograph?” (Aida)

Aida, who had returned at the worst and best possible timing, seemed to have sensed something too, her gaze flickering between me and Nagisa with suspicion.

“…Did something happen?” (Aida)

Nagisa, looking like she was about to burst into tears at any moment, weakly shook her head.

“…N-No, nothing. Shall we get going soon?” (Nagisa)

Saying so, she slipped past the space next to Aida and left the waiting room. Aida watched Nagisa’s back, now out of my sight, with a worried expression.

“…..Are you okay?” (Aida)

Aida asked, shifting her gaze to me. I couldn’t even nod in response.

“What am I doing…?” (Yuuto)

A voiceless sound escaped my lips, and only a helpless regret assaulted me.