Vol. 1 Chapter 4.2 – Intensive Care Unit

Inside the VIP ICU of Japan’s largest and finest mega-hospital, an electronic beep ticked away at a rhythm of over forty times a minute.

Beside the bed where a boy lay, stood two maids.

One was completely exhausted and asleep, while the other had her eyes wide open, staring intently at the boy.

Her hands were clenched tightly on her lap — so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

“Issei!”

Ban! — The door slammed open as a brown-haired high school girl burst into the room.

“Please keep your voice down. This is a hospital room.”

The maid — Chitose — stepped out from behind the curtain and addressed the girl who had just entered.

Originally, visits were strictly prohibited, but this girl had been granted entry under Chitose’s authority.

“Ah—! S-sorry! U-um──!?”

Suddenly scolded by an unfamiliar older woman, the high school girl became flustered.

To her — Fujino Sakiko, also known as Niko — Chitose was a complete stranger.

But for Chitose, she knew Sakiko in great detail.

Because Sakiko had previously been one of Issei’s panty conquest targets, Chitose had gathered rather detailed data on her, from her home life to her circle of friends.

To Chitose, frankly — she knew this girl too well to consider her a stranger.

However, Sakiko had no idea about any of this.

And Chitose had no intention of telling her either. Saying something like『I exposed your entire personal data through extralegal methods』was out of the question.

“A-ah…! I heard that Issei… Goutokuji-kun… was hit by a truck──”

“Yes. He’s in critical condition.”

“……!?”

Sakiko was left speechless.

As she stood frozen, her face pale, a voice called out from behind her—

“Is this where Issei-san’s hospital room is──!”

Another visitor came rushing in.

This woman, appearing to be about university-aged, wasn’t as loud as the high schooler.

Chitose knew this woman as well.

She was a bookstore employee — Matsura Shiori.

“The obocchama— Issei-sama is resting here.”

Chitose gestured to the curtain for the two of them.

“You may see his face, but do not touch or shake him under any circumstance. The obocchama is in critical condition, and this is the ICU.”

She pulled back the curtain.

Connected to countless monitoring devices and wrapped in bandages, the figure of a slender boy lay there — but at first, Sakiko and Shiori couldn’t recognize him as Issei.

Only when they realized that this tiny, bandaged, unconscious body was indeed Issei — did their hearts, throb with shock.

Shiori collapsed weakly to the floor, while Sakiko stumbled forward and reached out toward Issei.

But her wrist was caught by Chitose.

“Please do not touch him.”

“Y-yes… I-I’m sorry…!”

“No need to apologize. I understand this is a shock. But he’s receiving the best doctors and the best treatment. So he’ll be fine. I’m sure of it.”

“Y-yes…”

Sakiko, her face still deathly pale, nodded in return.

“Issei-san… Issei-san is…”

Shiori, still crouched on the floor, stared off into the distance with vacant eyes — she was in a daze.

“Nanako. — Please, Shiori-san…”

Chitose called out to Nanako, who had been dozing off.

“Fueh? …Ah? …Eh? Eh?”

Woken up, Nanako looked right, then left, and finally at Issei on the bed.

“Ah! Goshujin-sama! Goshujin-sama! No! Don’t die—”

Worried to the point of exhaustion, Nanako had fallen asleep. But the moment she woke up, she immediately began worrying again. To that Nanako—

“Nanako. Attend to our guests.”

“H-ha—yes!”

Snapping back to herself, Nanako guided Shiori over to the sofa. Since this was a specially outfitted hospital room, the furnishings were completely different from standard ones.

“The obocchama… Issei-sama will absolutely be fine. He will definitely be saved.”

She gave orders to Nanako, offered support, delivered the news of Issei’s crisis to the important women in his life, summoned them here, and encouraged them.

Even though she tried to act composed, her heart was full of anxiety.

No one worried more about Issei than she did.

She had cared for him since he was a child. He was her master.

“He’ll be fine. There’s no way something like this could end him.”

With a heart on the verge of breaking from worry, Chitose muttered those words — as if trying to convince herself.

◇

“Meal’s ready.”

Wearing an apron and holding a frying pan and ladle, Issei went to call the house’s resident.

Though it was called a house, this was the underworld, where things like weather didn’t exist. It was an open space with only floor and walls — no ceiling.

To the ponkotsu who was still sprawled out on the bed, Issei called out.

[something that is worn out, useless, or unreliable]

“Hey. Your feed.”

“Nn~ Still sleepy, jaa~”

The ponkotsu replied like that.

“Eight hours, thirty-two minutes, and thirteen seconds. You slept more than enough. Oversleeping for that long dulls your brain function.”

“I’m a god, so it’s fine~”

The ponkotsu tossed out that childish excuse. It didn’t even qualify as an argument.

Honestly, even if she called herself a god, she ate, slept, and her bodily functions weren’t much different from a human’s. Her laziness and level of sloth were also about the same.

After spending a few days living together, Issei had come to understand that well.

These past few days, Issei had been taking care of Anubis’s daily needs.

From preparing meals, to cleaning, to taking out the trash—he did all the housework.

Back when he lived in the mansion, Issei never did any of that. But it wasn’t that he couldn’t—he just didn’t.

This so-called god, though, didn’t even try to move. Unless it involved one of her hobbies, she wouldn’t lift a finger. It wasn’t『won’t do”—it was『can’t do.”

“Hey. Food’s ready.”

“Five more minutes~”

“If you’re not eating, I’ll just eat it all myself.”

“Aah, geez~ I’ll eat! I’ll eat, okay~”

Finally, she sat up.

When she’d been sprawled out earlier, her clothes had ridden up slightly.

Depending on the angle, there might’ve been a glimpse of her panties.

But that sort of thing shouldn’t happen by accident. It has to be deliberate—something she chooses to show of her own will.

Sneaking a peek without permission, or catching it off-guard—those don’t count.

That would just be peeping.

It’s not about seeing panties. It’s about being graced with the sight of them.

…Even he wasn’t sure what he was saying anymore.

Issei guided Anubis to the table.

He plated the food, tied a napkin around her neck, and placed a fork and knife into her hands.

Then he sat down on the opposite side of the table.

“Feed me~”

“Eat it yourself. I’m not doing that much.”

“Come on. Ahn~…”

Anubis closed her eyes and opened her mouth… and just waited like that.

Issei ignored her completely and continued eating his own meal.

“…You don’t have to be so shy, you know?”

She cracked one eye open and said it like that.

“I’m not shy. I’m just amazed.”

“You’re trying to raise your affection score with me, aren’t you? If you do a cute ‘ahn~’ couple feeding moment, your affection rating will skyrocket.”

“Is that how it works?”

“Yup. That’s how it works.”

Reluctantly, Issei stabbed a sausage with his fork and held it out in front of Anubis’s face.

She leaned forward for the last couple centimeters and took the sausage into her mouth.

“Tasty.”

“This kind of thing would taste the same no matter who cooked it.”

“Nope. Compared to the prisoners in the Underworld, your cooking is way better.”

“That’s because I’m a genius.”

He’d never cooked before, but after a few days of practice, he definitely felt like he was getting the hang of it.

“You’re just grilling it, so why does it taste different…? I want to keep eating your cooking forever.”

“…Is that so.”

Hmm? Just now—pirorin♡—a sound chimed?

Where’d that come from? It wasn’t from Anubis—it sounded closer…

Giving up on figuring out the source of the sound, Issei stabbed his sausage and brought it to his mouth.

Still, this Underworld…

There were oddly modern things scattered around.

Like this sausage, for example.

Why are there Earth ingredients here?

Some of Anubis’s personal stuff—like a portable audio player—was just lying around casually. It even said “MADE IN JAPAN” on it. Anubis listened to jazz with it.

“By the way, Anubis.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve fulfilled your request to take care of you. Isn’t it about time you granted one of mine? Equivalent exchange.”

“Heh. Mine was a command. Disobey, and I’ll just toss you to be devoured by Ammit.”

“Then go ahead and do that.”

If she didn’t feed him to this Ammit creature at the start, that meant—without a doubt—there was some reason or circumstance on her end that prevented it.

“Grrr… You dare make deals with a god? Who do you think you are?”

“Doesn’t matter. God or not, a deal is a deal, a contract is a contract. If you’re saying you won’t uphold it, then that just proves gods are nothing special after all.”

“I told you, I never agreed to any contract…”

Anubis looked troubled.

Issei, having said all he wanted to say, silently continued eating. From time to time, he noticed her sneaking glances at him.

“S-So… what is it you want? I’m not promising anything, but I’ll hear you out… for reference.”

“Do you not have a memory?”

Issei said, somewhat exasperated.

He could’ve sworn he’d already told her from the start…

“Well, well… If, say, you wished to gain eternal life in the Underworld, I might consider employing you as my personal attendant. It’s not really allowed, but I could make a special exception… just for you…”

Chira. (side glance)

“If you really insist, I could be persuaded…”

Chira. (another glance)

The way she looked at him, like she was expecting something, was honestly annoying.

It reminded him of how Nanako would say,『Masterrr~! Can I eat this~?』

“No thanks.”

He wanted to be freed—ASAP—from this role of caretaker, feeding and cleaning up after a shut-in NEET.

Right now, he was only doing it to raise that『affection level…』

“You don’t want eternal life? All the Egyptian royals wished for it, you know?”

“Don’t lump me in with such petty mortals.”

“Then what do you wish for? A genius born in a mere human body—what do you desire from a god?”

Seriously, he’d already said it twice before…

Even gods, it seemed, had no memory. Just like ordinary people.

Having made that conclusion, Issei opened his mouth to repeat his wish.

“Show me your panties.”

“…Hah?”

“I said, show me your panties.”

“…Hah?”

Issei was used to this sort of reaction.

Whenever a genius like himself spoke, ordinary people would always respond like this.

It was just a bit surprising that even a god fell into that 『ordinary』category—but with his usual patience, he waited for her dull mind to catch up.

“Your panties.”

“When you say… panties… you mean… like, underwear?”

“Yep. Those panties.”

“…”

Anubis finally seemed to understand.

“I told you the same thing when we first met, didn’t I?”

“I thought you were confused by lingering regrets from before you died…”

“Nope. I was serious.”

With that declaration, Anubis’s gaze turned damp and heavy with suspicion.

She stared at Issei with doubtful eyes.

And suddenly, a thought struck the genius’s mind.

—Wait a second. Does she even wear panties in the first place?

“Hold on. Before we go any further, there’s something I need to confirm.”

“W-What is it…?”

“Are you even wearing panties to begin with?”

“…Hah?”

“If gods are, in fact, no-panties beings… then logically, there’d be no panties to see.”

Issei laid out this obvious truth for her, even though it shouldn’t have needed explaining.

Still, he spelled it all out—for a god so ordinary she barely qualified as one.

“…Hah?”

“So, which is it? Are you wearing panties under there, or not? Unless we clear that up first, everything else becomes completely meaningless.”

“Wha—!?”

“Well?”

He leaned across the dining table, pressing in on her.

“Wh-Why would I ever need to discuss something like that!?”

“Because without it, our contract falls apart.”

“W-What contract!? And who do you think you are!? A mere human trying to negotiate with a god…!? Know your place!”

Anubis stood up, fuming, and began to storm off.

From behind, Issei called out to her.

“Oi. There’s still food left.”

Anubis dashed back and immediately took her seat.

With a grin, Issei transferred one of the sausages from his plate to hers as she angrily and silently ate.

Watching her stuff her face with exaggerated chomping…

Issei found himself wondering—maybe this is how Chitose feels when she takes care of me all the time.